What Not to Do as an Instructor – Ever.
What Not to Do as an Instructor – Ever. Did I mention, ever? This was the worst experience I’ve had in my fitness career so far.
I was teaching a group Pilates class, and among the participants was a fellow instructor and colleague - let’s call her Debbie. I had just met this new colleague right before class began, so I knew her for a total of 5 minutes and had no relationship with her. I instructed the class to do an exercise and she disrupted the class saying, “We can’t do that.” It was awkward, but she dropped it after a few brief moments and the class continued with the exercise. I let it go and didn’t say anything, thinking it was a one-off.
Disrespectful Disruption Continues
The following week, Debbie returned to my class and disrupted it, again. At 7:00am, during an early morning class, she got off of her reformer in the middle of class and touched another one of my students and said “put your shoulder down.”
I was in shock. A part of me thought, “There’s no f*cking way she just did that”. What the literal f*ck. But I maintained professionalism and kept the class moving. Was I going to humiliate her and throw her out? I could have, but I did not. She justified her actions to the fellow student by saying, “It’s just the teacher in me”. This detail is irrelevant, but we were sitting on the reformer in the safest position possible. As instructors, you cannot correct every single thing your student does and Debbie moved her shoulder down less than one centimeter. I haven’t seen that student back in class ever this incident occurred.
The only acceptable reasons for a colleague to intervene in someone else’s class while they are a student, are:
1) I asked you to help me during class
2) There is a life-threatening emergency
What Debbie did was the highest form of disrespect.
Mental Toll of Navigating Whiteness
As an Asian woman, the mental injuries inflicted by whiteness – specifically by white women – are not discussed enough. I am constantly choosing between what to tolerate, let go of, rise above, or speak up against. Debbie’s act was entitled, inappropriate, unprofessional, crossed a boundary, and it was an aggression.
If Debbie punched me in the face during class, this would be seen as a wrong and a violent act. However, the harm caused by her actions, which was psychological rather than physical, can be even more damaging and often goes unrecognized. Debbie needed to be seen as important and assert her power in this dynamic to undermine me as the instructor. But why? What made her so uncomfortable in that moment? Because I’m Asian? Because I was the lead instructor?
Actions Revealed
This colleague was a disruptive student. Her actions showed me that she didn’t respect me as a person, a colleague, or my Pilates knowledge.
Did she do this because I look young? Did she assume I was new to teaching just because I was new to the studio? I have more years of teaching experience than her. This was prejudice and it tells me more about her judgment as a person and instructor.
Nonetheless, none of this is mine to figure out or carry the weight of why she did this. It is wrong.
Burden of Labor:
Managing White Comfort
After some back and forth with close friends, I decided to text Debbie. Again, this was someone I barely knew, but I needed to be clear that this behavior would not be tolerated in my class or with me. Reflecting on it now, my text was far too nice.
Her response? A “thumbs up” reaction. I didn’t expect much of a response, but it highlighted the burden of labor and the need to manage white comfort in my far too nice text message. I have only seen her a few more times since this incident occurred and I have purposely said “Hi Debbie”, because otherwise she would have ignored me.
What I did Post Incident
I informed the studio owner about the situation for awareness. After some statements like “I’ve known her for a long time” and “She wouldn’t intend to do…” and a whole bargaining stage. The owner eventually set aside the reasoning and explanation pieces and said this was wrong. I was acknowledged for how I handled the situation with professionalism (which I didn’t need the validation). The owner asked me how they could best support me.
I provided the information on the situation and it’s now up to them to decide how to act. By asking that question and having me request a specific action, the focus and labor falls back on me – again, the Asian woman and positions me to be seen as the conflict instigator.
Having your employees back looks like taking decisive action. This response was conflict-avoidant and an easy way out.
Choosing this path sends the message: “You did a great job handling this, so now I don’t have to get involved.”
Taking action involves risk – a necessary risk.
This needed to be addressed within the business.
What a Better Outcome Would Have Been
An active response. If I was the leader in this situation, it would have sounded something like this…
“I am sorry this happened during your class and that you had to continue teaching. Thank you for upholding professionalism in this situation. This behavior is unacceptable at my business and I will be speaking to Debbie to achieve __________ (insert outcome here, i.e., make sure it never happens again). This conversation will happen __________ (insert time line here). I will follow up with you once this has taken place. How does that sound?”
It still makes me angry. Let’s be clear, this behavior is accepted at this business because there was no consequence for Debbie’s action.
This is culture.
Want to learn more about culture? Subscribe to my newsletter for valuable tips and strategies on driving culture change and advancing inclusion and equity. Thank you for reading and until next time.
With gratitude,
Jessi